Hearing your baby cry is more troubling for moms. Studies have shown that oxytocin levels rise causing mothers’ brains to instantly react to the sound of their own baby. Dads, on the other hand, can sleep right through it.
So, if you’re a mom, it’s especially important to you that your baby can learn how to sleep through the night without having to cry him or herself to sleep. I have a three-month-old baby myself and am right there with you, moms trying to juggle it all. At the top of my list these days is a two-part goal of trying to figure out how to lose the baby weight and gain more hours of shut eye. This article focuses on the latter. 
Assuming you’re a parent, your time – and sleep – are drastically limited these days, so let’s dive right in. After much reading and trial and error as a nanny and mom, I have compiled the seven best TEAR-FREE tips for helping your child learn how to sleep through the night.
1 – Don’t Breast/Bottle Feed Them to Sleep
There’s nothing that beats the “milk coma” babies sink into after a good feed. They are the most content and comfy they have been all day, and they go to bed like perfect angels—often smiling!
The problem with this method is twofold. One, they aren’t learning how to fall asleep on their own. They will get accustomed to this and always want warm milk to help them drift off. Two, they haven’t been awake yet to burp or poop after their meal. There’s a good chance they will wake up in 15 to 45 minutes because of indigestion or a dirty diaper.
Try to keep your baby in an upright position for 10 to 15 minutes after each feed, so that his/her food has time to settle. You will likely find that the short-lived, milk-induced sleep has passed at this point.
2 – Don’t Rock Them to Sleep
There’s no denying that your baby will be happy cuddled up against your body. Babies love the cozy warmth, womb-like motion, and sound of your heartbeat. This is a special bonding time for parents and babies that you should do whenever you want—cherish those precious moments with your baby. The baby days fly by.
However, this is not a good habit to get into to before night sleeps especially. Number one and two have some of the same problems. With both of these methods, babies aren’t learning how to fall asleep on their own. When babies are in a routine of being rocked to sleep, they start to “need” this in order to fall asleep for naps, nighttime sleep, and in order to fall back asleep when they wake up periodically.
Plus, when you try to lay your baby down, he/she will likely let out a devastating cry. Why? The rocking stopped and he/she can no longer feel your warmth. So – tired and frustrated – you will feel the need to pick your little one back up to do it all over again. It’s a vicious cycle you don’t want to find yourself in.
3 – Teach Self-Soothing
It is extremely important that your baby learns how to soothe him or herself to sleep. This is key if you ever want your baby to learn how to fall asleep without torturous (at least for moms) hours of crying. You have to understand, babies will never learn how to fall asleep on their own if you don’t let them. If you always rock or feed them to sleep, they can’t learn this vital skill.
You can teach self-soothing by gradually doing less and less of whatever you did in the first newborn weeks to months. Put your baby down when he/she is happy, sleepy, has a dry diaper and full belly, and is – you can’t miss this part – fully AWAKE.
Your baby will likely fuss a bit especially when they aren’t used to being put to bed awake. You can intervene without picking your baby up by putting your hand on his/her chest, singing, shushing, or offering a pacifier. It is perfectly fine to do these things so that they know they are okay and safe (without tears) until they learn the skills they need to be a pro at falling asleep on their own.
4 – Stick to a Routine
As a teacher, nanny, and mom, I have seen firsthand how beneficial routine is for kids of all ages. Kids thrive on routine; they expect it and gain a strong feeling of security from it. Start with your children’s earliest days by giving them a routine they can count on.
Life gets busy, especially when you’re raising multiple kids. It can be nearly impossible to have bedtime be at the same exact time every night. Don’t beat yourself up over that. Just aim for your baby’s bedtime to be 30-60 minutes from the same time every night, and make a habit of doing the same things leading up to bedtime, such as turning down the lights, putting on soothing music . . . more on pre-bedtime activities below.
5 – The Three B’s
As a mom, I am all about simple parenting hacks I can use. Here is one of my favorites. I want to pass it on to you. Are you ready? Here goes:
- Step 1: Bath
- Step 2: Book
- Step 3: Bed
To be clear, we are not bathe-our-kids-every-day parents over here. We skip step two more than I would like to admit. However, taking a bath and reading a book are two pre-bed activities that doctors suggest for kids and adults alike. Baths raise their body temperature while books calm their brains, which both help to gear babies up for their big (hopefully long) sleep.
Also, this further reinforces number four. Find a routine that works well for you and try your best to stick to it every night so your baby can learn it’s sleepy sleepy time.
6 – Set the Stage
This reinforces number four and five. It’s vital that you get your baby ready for the big event of going to bed. You want them to eventually be able to go down happy, fall asleep on their own without crying, and sleep 10-12 hours straight, right? Okay well, that’s a big job for them. So, give it the prep work and buildup it deserves. Get them nice and prepped for this big marathon sleep you want them to do.
Provide them with a comfortable mattress to sleep on with the appropriate firmness. There are different levels of firmness suggested for different ages—make sure theirs is right for their age and not worn out. Keep the temperature between 68 and 72 degrees where they will be sleeping. Other great things that help babies fall – and stay – asleep are white noise, swaddle blankets (more on that below), and room-darkening curtains.
7 – Remember the 5 S’s
Again, easy-to-remember parenting hacks are my best friend these days. Here’s another one I would like to pass on. The secret weapon for soothing babies, the 5 S’s.
- Swaddle
- Side/Stomach
- Sucking
- Shushing
- Swinging
As you can see, we touched on some of these above. I have a lot of experience at figuring out how to soothe babies both as a nanny and mom. Believe me, I cared for twins starting when they were just four weeks old. These five S’s really work. They have been tested after babies received painful shots, and they worked then too.
– Swaddle
A good, tight swaddle is comforting to babies. The Zen Swaddle is my favorite for the first six months because it has beans it in on the sides and top and easy velcro swaddling for arms in or out, but there are lots of great swaddles available. Choose whatever works best for you and your baby.
– Side/Stomach
Babies find comfort in laying on their sides or stomach compared to when they are flat on their backs. However, it is essential that you realize that back sleeping is the safest for babies. So, use these positions for comforting them, just not for full naps or night sleeps. Once babies can roll over on their own, then it’s okay to lay them on their sides or stomach for sleep.
– Sucking
There is a reason why the pacifier was given its name. It pacifies. And, sucking on a bottle or breast does too of course. Once your baby is old enough, try a WubbaNub. Why? Because once they can grab and hold it, they can SELF-soothe with it—tying back to number three.
– Shushing
I talked about this in number three and six. Those moms in the “Wheels on the Bus” know what they are doing. Babies are comforted by a shushing sound. A white noise sound machine will do the trick just as well for naps and sleep. It’s very similar to the blood-rushing sound that they heard in the womb.
– Swinging
Just like we talked about in number two, babies love motion. A gentle swinging motion will calm them down. It goes back to those months they floated in their moms’ bellies; it was a state of nearly constant sound and motion for them.
Those five S’s are what you should recite to yourself and work through when your baby cries whether that be before bed at 7 p.m. or when you feel like you are at your wit’s end at 3 a.m. Either way, the 5 S’s will help you maintain a tear-free bedtime for your baby. Just make sure you aren’t using them to put your baby to sleep. These five tools will help calm babies and get them geared up for falling asleep on their own.
Hang in There!
You’ve likely heard the popular quote, “The days are long, but the years are short.” You know what’s even longer than the days? The sleepless nights! It feels like they are going to never end . . . until BAM they do. You can do it. Don’t lose hope. Your baby will sleep. And, you can too if you use these tips to help them learn how to fall asleep without you doing all the work for them.
When your baby cries, use the 5 S’s to help soothe them so they are calm, comforted, and ready to do it on their own. No need to spike your oxytocin levels or stress out your baby. I have single-handedly taught over ten kids how to fall asleep without crying—on their own. I didn’t use anything but the tips I shared with you above. If I can do it, so can you!
Sara Routhier is a Research Specialist and Staff Writer for Exercise.com. In addition to obtaining a degree in Elementary Education, being a public school teacher, family nanny, and tutor, she has over four years experience in content marketing. As a working mom with two boys under three, she knows sleep can be hard to come by and wants to pass on what’s worked for her to other exhausted moms out there.
