the curly girl method + thoughts on being myself

I recently saw a news story about the trend among Egyptian women who are allowing their hair to do what it was born to do -curl. So many of the women had negative responses to their hair not being straightened or heat styled. Things were said like, ‘You look like a hippie’ and ‘Aren’t you over that messy look yet?’. Those statements completely resonated with me because I’ve always judged my appearance upon whether or not I looked mature and sophisticated. It didn’t matter that curly hair was what I naturally had. It only mattered how people perceived me.

This post has been surprisingly hard for me to write. I’ve been shocked how something as seemingly insignificant as letting my hair return to it’s natural state of curliness has left me feeling unattractive, insecure, and exposed. Stepping away from the security blanket of hair straighteners and potions and dyes has been a really emotional journey so far!

I remember being in junior high and dressing up for Clown Night at our church. I worked for days planning my costume and makeup. Having naturally curly red hair, I didn’t really even need a clown wig.

When I walked into my junior high class that night I was the only one dressed like a clown and the other kids immediately started poking fun. My teacher said something along the lines of ‘Don’t you think you’re a little old for dress up?’.

I laughed it off, but sat blinking back tears for most of the night. I was so humiliated. That was one of the first times I remember being truly ashamed of who I was – someone who loved dressing up and playing a character. Someone animated who loved making people laugh. That was the last time I dressed up for an event for years, and I started to spend hours using a curling iron to make my hair look more polished.

I see other women with unbelievably gorgeous natural curls and think to myself, ‘Why in the heck would you straighten that?’ But I’ve been doing it to my own curly hair for years and years.

Then there’s the chemical laden hair dye I’ve been using for the last 10 years on top of the heat styling. At this point my hair has become so damaged it is regularly breaking off and falling out. It’s thinner than it ever has been. While I can blame thyroid issues and stress for some of it, the real deal is I am a hair murderer.

And I’ve decided to repent.

So one month ago I made a commitment to myself to try the Curly Girl Method. I found Curly Girl: The Handbook at our library and started reading. Then I spent a huge amount of time learning about my hair type, curl type, and what products will work best. No heat, no sulfates or silicones, going shampoo free… it’s been like one of those college classes where you do a semester’s worth of work in 4 weeks and I’m still unraveling it all in my brain!

The first week I was trying the Curly Girl Method I asked my husband if I looked like Weird Al. Because I’ve straightened my hair for so long it is taking awhile for the curl to come back alive. I’ve succumbed to straightener temptation twice in the last month- and spent a solid week repairing my hair each time.

The Curly Girl Method is working wonders though. I’m hoping I can be patient, and confidant, enough to see it through.

I’m still experimenting with products and techniques (like some shown above from Shea Moisture, Bounce Curl, and Miss Jessie’s). I hope to share what is and isn’t working with you in the coming months! But the biggest take away so far, aside from the miracles of sleeping on a silk pillowcase and co-washing, has been the quiet settling of my spirit. Maybe I’m just getting to an age where other people’s opinions no longer define me, or maybe I’m hoping my Hail Mary efforts will save my damaged hair. Regardless, I’m going to see where my curls are by the end of summer and either be totally sold on the Curly Girl Method…or looking for a wig. 😉

Who would have thought that a change in our appearance could provoke so many insecurities and deep emotions?! Have you ever experienced that yourself? Are you a curly girl, and if so, what products do you love?