when your baby turns 5 :: chapters of motherhood ending

Time got away from us and now our youngest is turning 5. It’s becoming more evident that he will most likely be our baby of the family. We always talked about having 4 kids, but the timing never felt right. In a way it has spared me from thinking “this is my last time taking home a baby from the hospital, my last time buying those adorable newborn outfits, the last time we will use this crib…” However, I’ve not been spared from current emotions as I am realizing our baby is turning 5! In the fall, all 3 of our kids will be in school. Who am I going to chat with as I walk the aisles of Target? I’m going to be the crazy lady discussing my list with no-one!

I’m all over the place with my emotions. It’s exciting to see our Charlie so thrilled to turn 5. He is done with the shelter of his mom’s wing (or so he thinks). However, when he cries over something trivial, I find myself holding him longer than necessary and stealing a few extra kisses on those smooshy cheeks. He’s been an absolute joy from the moment he was born. I’ve loved all my babies equally, but the first was hard because well, it was our first. Our second was such a sweet baby girl, but she had some health problems and I was grieving the loss of my brother that year. Oh yeah, we had a busy two year old too! Charlie’s been our sunshine after a more challenging time in life. We kind of knew what we were doing by the 3rd kid too. 😊 HERE is a post about when we met our 9 lb. 4 oz. chubby boy.

When I pause and look at our family it does feel complete. I think we set our sights on 4 kids very early in our marriage. It wasn’t a realistic time to decide how many children our family would include. I have had to shake the feeling that we might regret not having one more. I had melanoma skin cancer right after Charlie was born and it was recommended we wait 2 years to have another baby. Then we lost our medical insurance and the sensible side of me didn’t want to be pregnant without financial peace. Speaking of finances, wow do kids get more expensive as they get older. I used to complain about diapers, but braces, sports, and piano lessons are far worse. God may have plans for a #4 that we don’t know about, but I’m also content and adore our family of 5.

Thursday we will celebrate our Charlie’s 5th birthday. He’s our most social and outgoing child. He’s confident, smart, loving, affectionate, funny, and strong. He’s filled with bricks and love for people. For real, he’s 60 lbs and I can’t even lift him anymore.

If you are reading this and you are in the survival years of motherhood with little ones, I’m here to tell you I kind of miss those days…but not enough to have another baby. 😊 Enjoy each season of motherhood! We all know it goes fast, but don’t let missing the past rob you of the present. I’ve dried my tears for today and I’m enjoying all my chats with my youngest while we have time during the day when it’s just the two of us at home. I can’t deny emotions are there, but I try to live each day to the fullest and I look forward to what future chapters of life hold. Each chapter and season of motherhood has been my favorite and they just seem to get better and better.

Happy Birthday, Charlie!